Random Meanderings at Middle Age

storyland:the dark side.

It all seemed so innocent.  A  drive north to New Hampshire to complete our annual pilgrimage to Storyland.  The car rang with children's laughter and all seemed well.  The day was hot, but a nice cloud cover kept it from getting too oppressive and really, how could a place as sweet and full of simple joy as Storyland be host to anything but goodness.

Alas, all was not as it seemed. Perhaps, all these years the signs were there but we never saw them.  Perhaps we somehow eluded the mind control that these sinister clowns clearly were exuding as we passed them.  How did we never see them, these harbingers of doom, before?
Those gaping mouths and vacant eyes.  We evaded them, everyone, but it was a close call and we had to be vigilant at all times.

Once again our family was held hostage by a fox, this time it nearly took Noah, but thankfully he was quick footed and escaped.

He escaped the fox, but it was not long before he and John were forced in chains to row under a pirates flag.  As Emily and I were honored guests of the pirate in question this actually wasn't too bad. There was more horror however, and I beg you to forgive me for showing you one of the worst .  When I saw this my heart stopped and I was truly speechless with shock and despair.  What sort of evil place had we stumbled upon?

  Soon after seeing these strange and frightening signs Emily found herself enslaved by a large swan, doomed to be it's lackey for all eternity.
I saved her of course, given that I am so brave and industrious and all that stuff I am too modest to admit to.  i must say that no sooner did I extricate her from the clutches of the swans than she was ensnared by Alice into taking her place just as the Queen of Hearts was mid-scold Sadly, the swans were not het through with us as Noah was entranced to ride on the back of another swan and within moments was nearly eaten by Swanzilla.  It was a terrfiying moment for us all.
Thankfully, John, despite having chosen this week end to succumb to an unfortunate nervous breakdown, whereby he believed himself to be some sort of emperor of some kind, was able to commandeer a swan of his own and save Noah from his fate.
(It should be noted here that Noah is not sure which is worse, being eaten by Swanzilla or having a father with such a sad headpiece.)
The day was not always frightening, the children had a delightful time racing horses and Noah even managed to rustle a donkey.
We were able to leave at the end of the day with our sanity (well, sort of) intact and yet watching us as we left were the eery eyes of the ents that seem to guard the place, every watchful, ever vigilant and none can tell what goes through there dark, woody minds. (As always, click on pics to enbiggen)

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cliche central.

Life is what's happening while you're busy making plans.

Stop and smell the roses.

It's not the years in your life that counts.  It's the life in your years.

and one of my favorites, from Anne Dillard:

And how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.

We all hear this stuff and more like it pretty much 24/7.  Most of us believe it and yet, most of us make our lives insane by piling on more and more stuff, multitasking to a fare-thee-well and otherwise ignoring all the above.  Funnily enough though, time keeps on slipping, slipping into the future (heh.)

I never seem to have enough time to do everything that needs to be done, as well as what I want to do.  I  define "needs" in this case to mean work both outside and inside the home, family obligations and the like.  "Want" is a little more nebulous but often includes "fun" family time, crafts, reading, gardening etc.  This past year I started paying closer attention to the things that seemed to suck time but not provide much happiness (or some other tangible benefit) to my life.  What I've found is that while I tend to do better than some following the above cliches I still get jammed up with all sorts of obligations I've added on.  So, I've basically decided to stop.

The problem  I have found is that just because you can do 24 hours and more worth of 'stuff" in a day doesn't mean you should.  I find that for myself and my own family the more of this that goes on the crankier we all get and the less happy we are and (cliche alert!) : Life is short.  I've tried to cut back on the extra stuff before and always got sucked back in because I felt guilty.  Often, either myself or someone else would break down the tasks into discrete chunks and looked at that way it would all seem so simple.  Except that it all takes time.  Maybe there are others in the world for whom sleep, quiet time, cuddling time with loved ones etc is not a necessity but when those things get jettisoned in my life I start to morph into a very cranky girl.

This summer has been such a gift.  On the Cape our lives fall into a (mostly) peaceful rhythm that includes sleeping late, weekly trips to the farmers market, skipping rocks while walking along the shore, playing board games, talking, laughing and just being. Laundry got done too and the dishes.  I learned that housework can actually take place when one hasn't sucked up the time available with 57 other tasks.  I didn't knit as much as I'd hoped but mainly because knitting (especially lace socks or lace anything) on the beach is inadvisable at best.  I guess what I really loved was the lack of what  could be termed a "sense of urgency".  We would wake up whenever and if we felt like heading to the beach fine, but if we felt like getting back into bed and sleeping, reading etc. that was fine too. 

This week we've been "home home" (as the kids call it).  We had some appointments and the like and it was easier to spend the week back here.  I found myself almost immediately falling back into the sort of frenzied, "to do list a mile long" behavior that is typical of being home and then...it stopped.  I just stopped it.  I sent an email to where I volunteer most and let folks know I needed to cut back.  I stopped planning the days and just let them happen and yes, I still got to the appointments, bought groceries, cleaned up etc.  I'm home at night (no meetings). I turn off the cell phone.  I forward work  email to my work email address to be  handled when I return to work.  I just stop.

And the guilt?  I realize I will feel much more guilty about not being present in my life and in the life of my children than I will be about doing more and more and more to somehow make myself feel like a "real" member of our society.

Yesterday the kids and I slept in a bit.  We went to lunch and the bookstore.  I listened to my Summer of Love playlist on the iPod while I push mowed the lawn for an hour.  Then I watered the gardens and the kids (who would ride their bikes through the water).  I read and have almost finished David Foster Wallace's, Consider the Lobster.  I knit.  I read a few more chapters of a very silly book (Regarding the Fountain:A Tale, in Letters, of Liars and Leaks, by Kate Klise).  to Noah (while both kids love to read it's still fun to be read to).  I folded clothes and tried to tame the kids bedrooms.  Through it all we laugh and sing silly songs and argue with siblings and  talk to the birds and  yes they watch some tv and I go online a little but mostly we  are present for each other. My vases are filled with flowers from my  own garden.  The vegetables are from the farm around the corner (except the tomatoes, those are mine, at least those the chipmunks haven't eaten).

I have nothing  to really sum this up with.  I'm just babbling on about my choice to jettison some of the extra stuff and concentrate more on home and family.  Like I said, cliche central.

Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?-mary oliver

 

Monomoy Conservation Area or foxes are us.

We had an amazing walk on the Chatham side of the Monomoy Conservation area yesterday.  We were able to watch hundreds of young horseshoe crabs crawling around in the low tide and the kids found several (empty) large horseshoe crab shells.  We also spied terns, gulls and 2 beautiful Great Blue Herons (finally!!).  As we headed back to the steps to lead us back to our starting point the tide was coming in and we were cornered, briefly, by a fox that was both cut off by the incoming tide and drawn to food left by some picnickers.  It was actually a somewhat tense few minutes as the fox would start to turn away and then advance towards us and at one point John and I moved the kids into the water and put ourselves between them and the fox (although we were fairly certain it was just looking for an exit it seemed prudent to be safe).  In any event, pictures follow and as always click on same to enbiggen.

Pouring forth its seas everywhere, then, the ocean envelops the earth and fills its deeper chasms.
Nicolaus Copernicus

HP7:No Spoilers (no plot discussion either!).

I finished at 7:30am this morning.  Like all loved series that come to an end, there's always a light feeling of sadness when you finish because unless the author revisits the world someday there are no new surprises.  Rowling has done a great job and the book, while not flawless (because what is?) was wonderful and very satisfying on many levels.  I won't go into any of the plot because it's only Sunday and many of you are probably still reading (I know John is!).

Backing up a bit...the kids and I went into Sandwich, MA on Friday morning for Harry Potter Day, which was a great deal of fun.  The whole town was a wizarding village for the day and we rode the Knight Bus, saw the Weasley Twins (and many others!), visited Hagrid's Shack, made wands and the kids both received their personal invitations to Hogwarts.  Many of the restaurants joined in the fun with items on the menu reflecting food items from the books.

We went to Border Books in the evening and had fun there as well.  I was in the last 3 standing during the spelling bee (I was knocked out by "beauxbatons"), the kids did some gnome tossing and won candy and there were some amazing costumes. Hagrid, Trelawny and Hooch were my favorites.  I was second in line so by 12:07am we had our two copies and were home by 12:30am and was even able to read a few pages before I fell asleep.

. (I'm not sure how visible it is, but Em is wearing an elf hat and her S.P.E.W. button.  I'm have a bit of a House Elf fetish).

Saturday was a beach day and I basically spent pretty much the whole day watching the waves and reading the novel.  Noah joined me after he cut his foot on a shell and he was throughly engrossed in his latest fantasy series (The Fire Within, Chris D'Lacey).  John and Em were otherwise occupied in the water catching crabs and in Em's case skim boarding.

I have two favorite quotes from the book and I will post them in the future when enough people have had time to read the novel.  It's rare that an author can successfully end a series.  For me, successfully means tying up the various plot lines and providing enough information about all the characters one has come to know and love (or not) in a way that also serves the plot. 

Today we hope to walk in both the Paw Wah Conservation area in Orleans and in the Monomoy National Wildlife Refuge in Chatham.  Assuming I can get John away from the novel.  And Noah away from his. And Em from hers.  Come to think of it I am still not finished with David Foster Wallace's latest collection of essays, Consider the Lobster.  Perhaps another few minutes reading...

Gender Blogwars (NOT.)

Mamacate had a wonderful blog entry this week about some of the drama surrounding gender and blogging and the like that was swirling about the bloggysphere awhile back.  I have to be honest.  I didn't care a whole lot then and I don't now.

I am 46 years old.  I am a woman.  I have two kids and I work part time.  I like to knit, spin, quilt, sew etc.  I like to garden.  I really, really like to read.  I have some strong, and mostly leftish political views.  I am concerned about health care and education and the environment.

There are many things in the world that I feel strongly about but over time my need to prove anything has diminished.  I just don't play anymore.  It's not about giving up and giving in to "them" (and "them" can be whomever you like).  The fact is that the "them" in our lives are often given (by ourselves) an inordinate amount of space in our heads and more importantly we often cede to them the right to define the "playing field".  Once you decide you don't want to play it becomes easy to step back and see that there wasn't much of a conflict in the first place.

As Cate points out in her blog entry:

"Maybe the absence (really underrepresentation) of women in that sort of blog is not because we can't crash through some glass ceiling but because we're building our own house with different building materials (dudes, ceilings work better with wood and drywall, just saying).  "

I don't speak for anyone but myself, but I learned a long time ago that if I didn't really WANT something I didn't work too hard to get it (duh.)  I expect the reason that many women gravitate towards what "they" see as non-serious blogging is because it's what interests us and it's what intersects with our own lives and needs.  That said, there are plenty of men and woman who never blog, don't read blogs have no interest in any blogs at all and lead happy productive lives. 

My meandering point is that I just don't think it matters.  Cate also pointed out that for most individuals blogging is also the result of having the leisure time and the disposable income to have "hobbies" and "interests" to blog about (not to mention the tools to blog with).  Life is so stupidly short and I am happy to spend some bits of it blogging about my family, my crafting and how the garden is faring this summer.  I enjoy reading about other lives and interests.  I don't consider the community and connections I make online to be less than or even in competition with "them" and the blogging "they" may or may not chose to do.

On that note, wouldn't it be nice if I could now segue into one completed WIP for the summer?  Ha.  Dream on.  The summer tank is still in it's black hole of no discernible knitting progress (and to be honest I stopped trying after watching HP5 because I am mad at it) and I abandoned all other socks to knit Breeze.  Mostly though I have been rereading the Harry Potter novels so that I will be freshly prepared for tomorrow night (!!!) and am in the middle of Year 6 now. The kids have their owls and in Noah's case, robes, ready for the occasion and I don't think I'll be the only HP7 reader on the beach Saturday.

However, I have between 25-30 books here with me that need to be read by the end of the summer.  Some sooner as they are  borrowed from the library.  If I start to talk about any more book buying or borrowing extravaganzas stop and ask me how far along I am.  I am nearly finished with David Foster Wallace's wonderful Consider the Lobster and other essays and have started and am truly enjoying David Gessner's, Soaring With Fidel:An Osprey's Odyssey from Cape Cod to Cuba and Beyond. The kids and I visit the ospreys in East Dennis at least once or twice a week and this book starts there.  Osprey are one of my favorite birds of prey, they're just so beautiful to watch and we've enjoyed keeping track of the three little ones who hatched this past spring via webcam  and our frequent walks past their nesting site.  The fact that I grew up with (didn't hang out with though) the author and judging from the author pic he seems to have not aged since high school is not something I'm holding against him. It must be all the fresh air or something. 

We're still on the Cape. Still just hanging out, walking,hiking and beaching with liberal amounts of reading and board gaming (and breaks for ice cream) thrown in.  I have heard from a reliable source that a few ripe tomatoes from my garden will be coming to me tomorrow night.  This stuff is the "important" stuff in my world.  I hope your respective worlds are as pleasant and summer filled.

(as always click on the pic to enbiggen (that's Em coming in on the boogie board)

Back at the beach!

We spent a lovely morning swimming, crabbing, building gloppy drippy sandcastles and reading on the beach (well, I was the only reader, currently Consider the Lobster and Other Essays, by David Foster Wallace).  After lunch though we went canoing on Bass River.  Our intention had been to rent a couple of two-man kayaks but the current and wind was a little strong for the kids we thought.  The trip our (with the current) was so pretty.  We saw many birds including laughing gulls, snowy egrets, red-winged blackbirds, a hawk (uncertain what type) and the ubiquitous canadian geese.  When we decided to head back we found ourselves paddling into strong winds and a very strong current.  We had the kids stop paddling as John and I got quite the workout for 45 minutes or so. 

Saturday night we did all make it to Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.  It was wonderful and I think we'll pop into the drive in and see it again.  The book will be out this week end and I have a feeling I will not be the only person on the beach Saturday and Sunday reading HP7.

Knitting?  The tank, despite my knitting on it for most of the movie has reentered it's black hole of no discernible progress.  As near as I can tell I had 4 inches or less to go when I started and now have 4.5 inches left to go.  I feel some basic laws of physics are being broken but have no idea how.

Speaking of physics...I spent a lot of time watching the gulls float motionless in the sky above me at the beach in Dennis.  They seemed to enjoy it as well.  This guy also was waiting for an opportunity to steal food from some folks settled down ear us and when their backs were turned that's exactly what he did.  Heh.

Happy Summer Days!

Yes. It's another meme. And you are all tagged!

(This especially means you John, so you better start a blog now!)

I'm home today and pretty miserable with a nasty sneak attack cold that includes a horrible eye infection.  My eyes are so red and swollen that I can barely see and I resemble some bizarre alien.  Yes, I called the doctor and yes I got anti-biotic drops and stuff and yes I am getting plenty of rest and fluids!!!

So, no spinning or knitting and not even much reading but I bumped into this meme somewhere on the internet and it looked fun.  Basically, go to Wikipedia (yikes!) and type in your birthdat (not the year just the month and day) and then give us 3 events, 3 births and one holiday. Post it in your blog and leave me a comment so I can check it out!!

June 11

Events

1184 BC - Trojan War: Troy was sacked and burned, according to the calculations of Eratosthenes.

1936 - International Surrealist Exhibition opens in London, England.

1962 - Frank Morris, John Anglin and Clarence Anglin become the only prisoners to successfully escape from the prison on Alcatraz Island

Births

1933 - Gene Wilder, American actor

1969 - Peter Dinklage, American actor

Holiday

Kamehameha Day, official state holiday of Hawaii, United States, in honor of its first monarch, celebrated with floral parades, hula competition, and festivals 

Random thoughts after a few weeks on the Cape.

I absolutely love small town parades, especially on July 4!  We walked the 2 miles or so to Main St, Hyannis for the parade and had a blast.

                                         We also watched Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer last night and during the movie I knit on my Summertime Tunic and broke free of the black hole of no progress-I'm three inches away from shaping.  What do you wanna bet those three inches suck me back into the black hole?

I love this picture of John and the kids.  They had a blast having him around all week.  He's much more fun and adept in the tidal pool mcking about than I am.  However, I totally rock the sitting in a chair on the beach reading and knitting. We're back from the Cape for a week or so and being home is fun too. My garden is exploding (and in serious need of weeding, trimming and general taming) and the tomatoes are going gangbusters! 

I will post some knitting progress and quilt stash enhancement pics later this week end and I am really hoping to get to my wheel as well.  It's been awhile.

Still, we can't wait to get back to the Cape later this month and I leave you with a few more pictures (because I am back in the world of high-speed internet goodness!). As always click on to enbiggen!

Osprey.

                                                                                                                   

Getting crafty.

I think I've mentioned the fact that we're keeping a family summer journal.  It's content is pretty much whatever the family member filling a page wants-journaling, scrapbooking, drawing etc.  It's actually developing nicely and I'm very pleased.

I discovered a wonderful scrapbooking/paper crafting place in Hyannis, Colorful Creations and picked up a few more items to assist us in our endeavors.

I had a ball making this small little journal to document one summer day (June 30, actually).  The store is able to print pictures off my digital camera card (and by "my" digital camera, I am of course referring to the digital camera on "long term loan" from Uncle Denny). 

What's been especially fun about the family journal is reading what the kids write and seeing John's fun drawings.

A few days ago Em leaped off a boardwalk and into the tidal pool below just like the big kids.  John was nervous, but I knew she could do it.  Of course, once she started she didn't want to stop.

Clicking on this composite of the pics I took as she jumped will enlarge it enough to maybe make sense.  If left to their own devices the kids would never get out of the ocean (and neither would John who seems happiest while hunting for crabs).

Ah well, everything here remains a lovely combination of light,sea and sky.

I was able to find a copy of Rachel Carson's essay, A Sense of Wonder at a used bookstore in Yarmouth this week and one quote from the book has stayed with me:

"If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in."